From MySpace to Intense Pondering

So in a recent "boredom browse" of the internet, I found a number of pieces of interesting information. Primarily looking through Myspace, I realized that I am out of more loops than I thought!
First I took a look through people who were listed under my class from high school. Turns out, a girl who used to help out in the theatre is in the army, one girl is now married, and another is the mother of twins. Crazy!!! When did people in my class start doing grown-up things?!
Next I found out my former youth minister has a profile. How surreal.
Then I noticed that one of my friends has started his own blog. Of course I went and read what he's recently written, but then I was struck with a thought:

The internet has turned me into a stalker.

How sad and, well, slightly pathetic.
Given, I am not really turning into some weird freaky lady who is the type to look through the curtains and spy on people - I have just been looking at information that people willingly posted on the internet. But I can't help but wonder if all this sharing of info on the internet is really a good thing. I was able to find out so much about various people's lives without having to say a word to them. Come to think of it, I have only had one conversation with someone outside my family within the last week. Has the internet turned me into an "e-friend"? Most of my interactions with other people I know are now all on the web. Facebook, myspace, e-mail, and even blogging has allowed myself (and I am sure many many others) to withdraw from common human interaction almost entirely. Phone calls almost seem too personal nowadays.
Sadly, I have been all too comfortable with this life online. I never really was a "phone person" and now it really takes a lot for me to call my closest friends (and to be honest- they are the only ones I ever call without a specific reason for calling). I am at this point where I keep count of the last time I called someone, just to make sure I am not bothering them too much. I do the same thing even with e-mailing and any other sort of communication. I always hate having to initiate things. With some friends, I know I will never talk to them again unless I am the one to keep up, so I occasionally bite the bullet. Problem is, this whole online profile revolution has allowed me to "check in" without having to directly contact a single soul. Any sort of actual connection has started to become tiresome in a way, it is odd to just call and say "hi" these days. Why waste the phone minutes, if you can post a message on their wall?
In a way, this is starting to make me feel less human. Since I am jobless and therefore purposeless at this moment, I turn to my computer to fill in the void of connection and activity. Blogging has now become a vent that I turn to when journaling does not feel like it's enough. It's my way of talking to others without even knowing who I'm talking to. I know that I have posted a link to this blog in the typical places where the curious may wonder, but I don't really expect anyone to be reading. It's almost like I have given up in most arenas. I am starting to enjoy my alone time. Part of this may be because some of the people I would be in contact with have filled their lives with other things much more exciting, or at the least, time consuming. Also, I think I am allergic to my dog or something in his fur - which has cut down on my fun.

I need a hobby. Something that challenges me.

Staying up late

In the tradition of any college grad, I have spent my first week of freedom from academics doing absolutely nothing and staying up late all the while. Now that I am in a place with cable again, I am remembering all the odd things that can be found on late night tv. Everything from a young Sarah Jessica Parker in "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" to the oh-so-lovely late night soft-core on Cinemax. All of it is enough to make someone want to find sleep, though at times there are those movies that you can't help but delay sleep to watch. This evening/morning the movie that I could not turn off was "So I Married an Axe Murderer." That movie reminds me of when I lived in Virginia, and how it (through the red-headed Mike Meyers) lead me to realized how cute funny guys can be. I think I had one of my first big crush on a 'funny' guy soon after. Given, that crush has definitely fizzled- but that movie still makes me smile, just a little.

Oh, brother...

My brother has this habit of doing the things that I want to do, all while I lead a lame-o life. Last fall he went to the Weezer/Foo Fighters concert in Seattle. I was in Spokane, so there was little chance that I'd make it anyway, but when I found out he went to it - I was majorly jealous.

Now my brother has done it again and is over at the Gorge attending the Sasquatch festival. He tends to listen to rap more, so it is so annoying when he goes to see the music groups that I am the bigger fan of. I like that he is getting more into music that I think is good, but it sucks that he sees more good stuff than I do. - Watch, next he'll be seeing the best touring musicals that come to town that I've been dying to see for years.

Ending the week of the Bum

Tomorrow will mark one week since I have been home with my family, and will mark the 6th day that I have not done anything worthwhile. Tonight I am going to go out with one of my closest friends for coffee, and with that I hope to end this cycle of the nothing day.
There is one part of me that hates being totally inactive, but another part that gets totally sucked into the energy of this house. This week, the house has won and I have been a supreme napper. I hope this changes soon, or I am in danger of turning into a piece of furniture myself.

Seattle Weather

Today I went to change my zip code setting on my computer (for Weatherbug) from Spokane to Seattle. Doing this changed the little temperature icon on my toolbar from 85 to 60. How sad. Given, it was quite annoying when I drove back here - Central Washington can get quite hot, so I had to actually use my air conditioner - but I feel like I have regressed back a number of weeks in the season. Right now the sky is grey and it's a little cool for short sleeves, I'm sure in Spokane it is definitely tank top weather and perfectly sunny.
I do love Seattle weather in the summer, of the two seasons of this area - summer really is beautiful. I guess I am just finding more reasons of why I miss Spokane.

I think if there were more friends in this town, I would be less inclined to even notice the weather.

The Problem with Sleeping In

So in the two days I have been home, I have managed to sleep in past noon twice. This is not a good habit. Today helped prove to me even more that sleeping in is not a good idea.
Right before I woke up this afternoon I had a fairly vivid dream that reminded me of certain feelings I used to have of a certain person. It was very annoying to wake up and realize that those thoughts are still in the back of my head. The dream wasn't really anything extra special, but it was something that made waking up to my own reality quite awkward. It's so hard when you spend a long time trying to change the way you think only to have a dream push you back into thoughts you had years ago. How annoying.

I guess another bad side of sleeping in is the repercussions on the rest of the day. Not only have I lost the prime part of the day, but I will likely take longer to get tired and will probably go to bed later- leading me to want to sleep in longer.

One thing I will miss about Spokane...

Colin!!!

I make myself giggle

Last night I had a few beers in me, which meant I was tipsy enough to think every idea I had was brilliant, but sober enough to operate my computer. Bad mix, in most occasions.
This most recent occasion, however, was not too bad. I e-mailed one of my close friends who I have not heard from in a while, and in counting on his being extremely busy I decided to write his response e-mail for him. This is what I wrote to him:

"So I think you need to call me at your earliest convenience. If you do not foresee you, yourself, having a convenience any time soon- then please take a minute and respond to this and tell me so I know not to wait. If you must respond- write in the subject: 'Kelly, I am a busy fool.' and in the body: 'I am sorry I don't have enough time. I wish I was cool enough to spare 15 minutes to talk to you, but my life will not allow it - there would be a coolness overload and my phone would explode. I will call you [fill in day]. One day I will regret the time I have missed hearing your witty banter and awkward phrases, but until that day I will be a sad little man who is running close to empty on momstertime. (I said little, because I am a man who appears to be shrinking in every new picture of me.) My life will be empty until the next time I tell you a random story from my adventures in {his city}, but until then I will have to deal. Adieu, {his name}.'" - and the e-mail continued.

I must say I was thoroughly entertained when he actually followed my instructions. Also, in reading it today I laughed out loud a few times - I THINK I'm SOOOOOO CLEVER!

Sadly, it is true. I really think this was the funniest thing. Mainly, this is because it really looks like I think very highly of myself writing such nonsense. Just to fill you in, I really only pretend to have an ego for humors sake - the rest of the time I am fairly down to earth and more on the cynical side.

I had to put this in...

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

How appropriate that I chose this color! (Before taking the silly quiz.)

Parks

These past few days I have been extending my stay in Spokane by not packing up as efficiently as I could be. At first I thought it was because I am slightly lazy. Then I thought it could be because there are so many people here that I will miss a lot. Given, both of these points have come into play and are very true, but I think I have figured out the main reason I am subconsciously resistant to leaving: I actually like living in Spokane and I will really miss this city. It took about 3 1/2 years to realize it, but Spokane is a place that actually has a lot to offer - and I have only started to find some of its treasures.

I think the main thing that I will miss is the plethora of parks that this area has to offer. Everywhere you go, you are within a few miles of some recreational area of some sort. Also, each park has a distinct personality that can fit with your mood. Today I went with a friend to Manito Park on the South Hill. This park has multiple gardens and a large pond. When walking around the pond, we not only spotted multiple breeds of ducks and geese (along with the uber-annoying seagulls), but also found there to be many turtles of various sized swimming around in the green muck that was the water. It was fun spending time with her and chatting about turtles as we saw them dodge into the water when we walked by. We also took a drive up by the lilac garden that is now in full bloom. SO beautiful.
Today definitely was the right day for a trip to Manito, though other days I enjoy going to my favorite little park that feels like my own little secret. High Bridge Park stands a little outside of the city, and is located next to a stream right smack underneath 3 bridges. This place is so amazing to me; especially since it is an image of man invading nature, but not totally destroying its beauty. I have taken three people on separate occasions to this place. By showing them the park, I almost feel like I am sharing an intimate detail of who I am. While there, I connect with a different part of myself. Not to be cheesy, but sometimes I feel like I have huge concrete bridges in my own life that ruin the potential simplistic beauty it could have. I am not bitter about the bridges being there- they have gotten me to where I am today and have shaped who I am, but sometimes the just look like big ugly concrete eye sores. High Bridge park allows me to see how even potentially ugly things could bring joy, I have not felt more at peace than when taking time out with a friend to go there to just "be."

In the spirit of the internet...

A link to Spokane Parks: http://www.spokaneparks.org/

A link to NYC parks (maybe I'll be able to find some new favorite places when I am there): http://www.nycgovparks.org/


Maybe I will be able to move tomorrow and accept that this phase of my life is over. Maybe I will come back and live here 10 years from now, but right now there are bigger fish to fry.

Starting to Discover

Since the amount of free time I have has grown exponentially, I have decided to start looking up info about New York and have been searching for websites that give a lot of tips of fun and cheap/free things to do in the city.

The winner of my first search:

Oh My Rockness - http://www.ohmyrockness.com/ - A site with a major list of shows going on around the city. Since I once was one of those kids who loved to go out to local shows, I hope to reconnect with that "rockin" side of me and catch some cool stuff next year. (With all the free stuff that's listed, I will likely see some really cool bands while only spending money on the public transportation to get there!)


This is only the beginning. There's so much out there - I just need to find good ways of refining my searches.

Looking Forward

Well, yesterday I walked across the stage. I moved the tassel from the right to the left side of my frisbee-like cap. I can now be considered a graduate from Gonzaga University. Given, I have yet to officially receive my diploma (it will be mailed in a few weeks) and I will be paying for my education years and years from now, it still feels good to be done.

To be honest, I have not yet felt the emotions that I was expecting of myself. I guess the reality of it all has yet to set in. There are many friends that I will miss, and it will be weird to not be considered a student anymore; but I don't really feel sad. I think this is because I have realized something. The friends that are true and have resonance in my life will not just disappear because I have graduated and we are moving in different directions. I know that time and distance will not change those friendships that have become the most important to me. "Goodbye" at this point is not final, it is merely a "see ya later."

Even for those people that I may never see again in my life, I can't really feel sad. Life is quick and fast paced, and sometimes people only cross each others' paths for moments at a time. God places people directly, and if it is only for a blink - that's okay. I know I have been changed by each and every person I have come across in the past four years. Though I don't know how many I will still be in touch with after four more years, I do know that I am a better person for the life I have experienced within this community. Now I am ready to move forward with it and grow in a different light.

A New Look!

I feel like the new look of this page fits my personality a little better. I am still learning the whole template edit thing, so it will be a while before it is exactly how I want it, but I am happy for now.

This coming Mother's Day I will graduate from college. I think this university is insane for throwing someone like me into the real world. What are they thinking! Giving ME a degree?!?

I must admit, I have been a total slacker for most of college. Given, having a GPA lower than a 3.5 equals slacker in my book - there have been so many classes where napping or helping out in the theatre was the priority. I really could have done much better. I don't really care at this point though, it only means I won't be wearing an ugly yellow honor chord at graduation (which is fiiiine by me).

I am starting to actually get excited about New York. I think it is an opportune time for change. I am ready for the next phase of my life. This totally freaks me out and scares me, but it is a good kind of fear. I feel like I am in a rut of thought and experience right now. Nothing has been exciting me or challenging me lately (other than the normal daunting task of sleeping more than 8 hours in a row). It will be fun to blog about sensory overload and culture shock I experience at the end of this summer. I have a feeling that any complaints or comments will be oriented around how big a doofus I can be. I can't wait!

Well, I guess I should try to "hit the hay." I still have work to do tomorrow, and that's when my family comes in. I haven't even started to pack up the disaster that is my room. This will surely be an interesting and surreal weekend.

New York City!!

Yesterday I had an interview with the Pastor and Parish Assistant at Ascension Church and was offered the position of Youth Minister for next year.
This means I will be moving to Harlem in August and will start a year of work with teens at their parish - coordinating and facilitating youth events, directing the youth choir, and working to get more kids to come to mass. It will surely be a very challenging year (I am already getting nervous) but I am so excited that I will be a
Youth Minister in Harlem!!!
Now I just have to get through the rest of this school year and find work for the summer.