Before I step forward, I look back

Today I opened a box of pictures that has been taped up for four years. Inside were pictures that go all the way back to my awkward middle school years. There are pictures of friends, family, random oddities, and [shockingly] me.


I have noticed a few things from these pictures:

- I rarely jumped into any pictures. Somehow I thought I would remember the people in the pictures forever and seeing just them would be enough.

- I liked to take pictures of animals and scenery. I liked what I saw, but never captured it well. Looking back I have a bunch of crappy zoo pictures and random photos of battlefields.

- My friend JS should never ever ever bleach his hair again.

- I have gone through many many "fashion" phases. Fashion is in quotes, because I have never been in with a trend. I have, however, managed to grasp the look of too-short bangs, the shirt tied around the waist innovation, the flannel and cargos look, and every awkward face imaginable.

- I have never taken candid pictures well. I should never try this again.

- I actually had a few cute moments in the past, but never saw myself in that light. Now I look at myself and wonder why I let my distortions win. Now I am no where close to where I used to be and I am still in a constant battle with myself. I wonder what it would have been like if I had actually liked myself all these years. Happiness is an elusive fellow in my life. Especially since I give up on things often.


A picture really is worth a thousand words, but those words change as time goes on. Self-image effects esteem and esteem influences self-image. It takes a lot to break that cycle, and I have yet to find the key to doing that.


Good thing my passion for others is always strong. I hope I'll be able to do well despite my flaws and difficulties.